Common humanity reminds people of their connection with other people-all of whom suffer at some point in their lives-and eases feelings of loneliness and isolation. Sometimes people fail to notice when they are in pain, or deny that they are suffering because it brings up feelings of weakness or defeat. Mindfulness allows people to step back and recognize that they are experiencing suffering, without judging suffering as something bad that they should try to avoid. The three elements in this practice-mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness-all play important roles in increasing self-compassion. Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff provides this and other guided self-compassion practices on her Self-Compassion website. To provide even more structure, you can listen to audio guiding you through this practice in the player below. If you practice it in moments of relative calm, it might become easier for you to experience the three parts of self-compassion-mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness-when you need them most. This practice can be used any time of day or night. Some examples: “May I give myself the compassion that I need,” “May I accept myself as I am,” “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I forgive myself,” “May I be strong,” and “May I be patient.” Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch on your chest, and say, “May I be kind to myself.” You can also consider whether there is another specific phrase that would speak to you in that particular situation.Other options for this statement include “Other people feel this way,” “I’m not alone,” or “We all struggle in our lives.” Next, say to yourself, “Suffering is a part of life.” This is a recognition of your common humanity with others-that all people have trying experiences, and these experiences give you something in common with the rest of humanity rather than mark you as abnormal or deficient.You can also say to yourself, “This hurts” or “This is stress.” Use whatever statement feels most natural to you. Now say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” This acknowledgment is a form of mindfulness-of noticing what is going on for you emotionally in the present moment, without judging that experience as good or bad.Call the situation to mind and get in touch with what happened or what you think might happen.For this practice, especially if you are new to it, it's better to choose something that is moderately difficult in your life, rather than overwhelming. Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and is causing you stress.
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